All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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