we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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