Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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