I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
