just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
