So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
