george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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