lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
