OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
