thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
