I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
this just has baby written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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