i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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