To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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