I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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