remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it hurts more in the daytime
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
