Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
