i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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