you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
