Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize