This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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