I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
