Tell her she can't have a vagina
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family