Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
