I'm retarded. Again.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.