I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
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We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.