I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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