I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"