i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.