You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN