by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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