I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
