I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
