Whatcha textin bout Willis?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
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do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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