Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
