Where did you get a picture of my penis
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Help me help you realize you are a moron
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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