I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize