I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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