Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
