i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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