My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
