i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
