I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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