I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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