Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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