Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
