Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
