Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
