Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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