when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
