I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
