Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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