i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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