It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
