Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
