im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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