No stitches, just platelets and will power
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So squirting runs in the family.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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