The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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