What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
