I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
