the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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