you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
