Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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