dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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