i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
