yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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